All kinds of emotions

This Father's Day has been a time of mixed emotions for me.  I am beyond blessed to still have my sweet Daddy with me.  For that I am so very thankful.  The last 9 months have brought to my mind the reality that life can be taken at any moment in time.  Thank you Lord for the gift you have given me of a loving Daddy who, first and foremost loves you with all his heart and secondly loves his family unconditionally.  I pray the things I learned from him I can pass on to my children.  Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love  you.

At the same time I am so thankful I still have my Daddy here with me, I am reminded of the agony that comes from losing a parent.  Nowhere is that more evident than in the life of my children.  As each day passes losing a pappa should get easier but I am not sure it never does.  All of my children have  said numerous times, "I wish I could just talk to him one more time, ask him one more question, but that was not to be." I have done the same thing. So many times, I have turned to ask him a question or tell him something and he is not there.  I am so thankful for the time we had together and the many memories we made as family.  We all still laugh at some of the crazy things  he would get all of us into.  Today as Annacarmie and I were eating lunch something came up in conversation and she looked at me and I looked at her and tears just started streaming down both of our faces.  Not only did I lose the love of my life but my children lost their daddy, aka "Pappa."  Anticipating this Father's Day seems to have been especially hard for me.  I have thought alot about John and the legacy he left for his family to follow.  I do not know why he was taken so young but I do know God always has a plan in all that happens.  I am just not understanding His plan right now. I wanted John and I to enjoy life together for many more years than we were afforded.  Life is tough any time, but over the last six years I have learned how tough it can be without the love of my life to share it with.  However, I would rather have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Little did we know that this would be the last Father's Day we would get to spend with Pappa.  We love you and miss you greatly.  Your absenece has left a great void in all of our lives.

I hurt for the grandchildren who never got to meet their Pappa.  He would have loved them and they would have loved them.  Oh he loved those babies but at that time he had only grand daughters.  He so wanted a grandson also.  He never got to meet Mason, Drew, Miles or Brent.

There are so many things that we will never again get to experience with him.  Never take one minute for granted because you never know when that might be your last minute.

I hurt for my Precious Baby because growing up without a Daddy present is never easy.  Why her Daddy's life was taken so quickly the past year in a horrible accident I cannot explain to her.  I can tell her, her Daddy loved her and one day when her life here on this earth is over she will see him again in Heaven.  To a three year old, these  things are so difficult to explain when other children have their Daddies still.  However, the foundation of Jesus was being built from the day she came into this world and she knows her Daddy is in Heaven, which is a wonderful place.  Now she wants to know when her Daddy will come back here to see her.  No child should have to experience the difficulties of life as this.  Once again God has a plan and this did not take Him by surprise.  I know this will go into making my Precious Baby the person she will become, a mighty warrior for our Lord. 

Today as her Nanna and Pappaw took her to her Daddy's grave site, Makenna hugged the tombstone and said I love you Daddy.  Precious Baby, all I can tell you is life is difficult at best.  There will be many trials along the way but remain firm in your faith and never take your eyes off of God. He will comfort you in those difficult days and direct your path.