All kinds of emotions

This Father's Day has been a time of mixed emotions for me.  I am beyond blessed to still have my sweet Daddy with me.  For that I am so very thankful.  The last 9 months have brought to my mind the reality that life can be taken at any moment in time.  Thank you Lord for the gift you have given me of a loving Daddy who, first and foremost loves you with all his heart and secondly loves his family unconditionally.  I pray the things I learned from him I can pass on to my children.  Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love  you.

At the same time I am so thankful I still have my Daddy here with me, I am reminded of the agony that comes from losing a parent.  Nowhere is that more evident than in the life of my children.  As each day passes losing a pappa should get easier but I am not sure it never does.  All of my children have  said numerous times, "I wish I could just talk to him one more time, ask him one more question, but that was not to be." I have done the same thing. So many times, I have turned to ask him a question or tell him something and he is not there.  I am so thankful for the time we had together and the many memories we made as family.  We all still laugh at some of the crazy things  he would get all of us into.  Today as Annacarmie and I were eating lunch something came up in conversation and she looked at me and I looked at her and tears just started streaming down both of our faces.  Not only did I lose the love of my life but my children lost their daddy, aka "Pappa."  Anticipating this Father's Day seems to have been especially hard for me.  I have thought alot about John and the legacy he left for his family to follow.  I do not know why he was taken so young but I do know God always has a plan in all that happens.  I am just not understanding His plan right now. I wanted John and I to enjoy life together for many more years than we were afforded.  Life is tough any time, but over the last six years I have learned how tough it can be without the love of my life to share it with.  However, I would rather have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Little did we know that this would be the last Father's Day we would get to spend with Pappa.  We love you and miss you greatly.  Your absenece has left a great void in all of our lives.

I hurt for the grandchildren who never got to meet their Pappa.  He would have loved them and they would have loved them.  Oh he loved those babies but at that time he had only grand daughters.  He so wanted a grandson also.  He never got to meet Mason, Drew, Miles or Brent.

There are so many things that we will never again get to experience with him.  Never take one minute for granted because you never know when that might be your last minute.

I hurt for my Precious Baby because growing up without a Daddy present is never easy.  Why her Daddy's life was taken so quickly the past year in a horrible accident I cannot explain to her.  I can tell her, her Daddy loved her and one day when her life here on this earth is over she will see him again in Heaven.  To a three year old, these  things are so difficult to explain when other children have their Daddies still.  However, the foundation of Jesus was being built from the day she came into this world and she knows her Daddy is in Heaven, which is a wonderful place.  Now she wants to know when her Daddy will come back here to see her.  No child should have to experience the difficulties of life as this.  Once again God has a plan and this did not take Him by surprise.  I know this will go into making my Precious Baby the person she will become, a mighty warrior for our Lord. 

Today as her Nanna and Pappaw took her to her Daddy's grave site, Makenna hugged the tombstone and said I love you Daddy.  Precious Baby, all I can tell you is life is difficult at best.  There will be many trials along the way but remain firm in your faith and never take your eyes off of God. He will comfort you in those difficult days and direct your path.

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy

It is never easy to be away from home and family especially on those special days in our lives.  Even though you are not here with us on your birthday Will, you will be soon.  While you are away  God is preparing you for great and mighty things.  Continually seek His will and plan for you life.  He has set you apart as a mighty warrior for His work in growing the Kingdom.  Keep the faith and grow in the Lord until the time He brings you  back to be with you family and take your part of the world by storm all the while adding daily to the Kingdom.   Happy birthday, I love you more than you can imagine.

Now who is your favorite uncle?

The harmonica was a hit with Makenna, but not necessarily with Mamma. Let's see how loud we can play this new toy. This is one toy she has continued to play with even after the new wore off. Wonder why? Could it be to make Mamma crazy? Will was so proud of himself. He found the dollar spot at Walmart and he bought Makenna a whole bag of goodies. When he came in the door after that trip the first thing he said was to Makenna. He asked her who her favorite uncle was now? That is not really a very hard question to answer when he is her only uncle.

Will just knew Makenna would love the floaties while he played in the pool, even though Mamma Kim did not think she would. Guess Mamma Kim was wrong she loved then and they were pink. Everyone knows when they buy Makenna something it needs to be pink. At least he did remember that part.

What is the function of some of these toys? I still do not understand that but I guess Makenna does because she loved the blinking lights in this spinning ball. Sometimes it does not take much to amuse her or Will either for that matter.

Will do not forget pink, pink, pink!!! You did good with all the toys and yes your are her favorite uncle, Uncle Boofball.

Does he look like his daddy?

William Andrew Francis II

June 2010

William Andrew Francis

1985

Above all else, Will wants Drew to look like him. He definately got his desire. The acorn did not fall far from the tree in this father and son. I knew they looked a lot alike; however when I placed these photos side by side I was amazed at how much they look alike. With each passing day I see little mannerisms and quirks in Drew that I have seen in Will his entire life and I don't believe these things are learned so young. I pray that strong will in Drew can be directed in the right direction unlike his daddy many times.

Will, you have a little boy who is just like his daddy. He will be a source of great joy to you but also a source of many frustrations and sleepless nights. I know, because I have already walked that path with you. Keep your eyes on the Lord and be prayed up and you too will survive just as I did; eventhough, at times you will wonder if you or perhaps Drew will survive.

This year was a very special Father's Day for Will as it would be the first year he was able to celebrate Father's Day as a Daddy himself. He was blessed in April with a beautiful baby boy. I always knew the compassionate and caring side of Will because I had seen it many times over with his nieces but many others that know Will had never seen that and were amazed at how smitten he was with that precious little boy. God has truly blessed both daddy and little boy by giving them to each other. Will, you have so much to teach our little man like the things Pappa taught you. I look forward to see you taking Drew hunting and fishing, teaching him to ride a bicycle or a motorcycle, or drive a car, how to work hard, to be loyal to your family, to take care of your family, and love God with all his heart. Drew will teach you many things as well, such as how to be a good daddy, how to respond more patiently and not fly off so quickly.

Will I ever learn?

I am not sure yet what it is I am suppose to be learning but I sure do wish I would learn it quickly. The last four years have been by far the most difficult days I have ever lived. Just as I think I have come out of the valley something else pops up out of nowhere, usually blindsiding me. I would like a little reprieve from all the stress; however, I am reminded that God is in control and He has a plan in all that is happening, no matter whether it fits into my schedule and plan or not. Jeremiah 29:11 says He has a purpose and a plan for me, not to harm me but to give me hope and a future. It is so hard at times to keep my eyes on Him and not on my own difficulties.

Just tonight as Will and I were talking, he said he was not sure what else could happen. Just this week his best tractor truck was wrecked while in route to Colorado and probably totaled. To do what was right he had his drivers go ahead and deliver the freight to Colorado. So the run would not be such a loss with everything that has happened, he got them a back haul. Now we find out the trailer had much more damage than we originally knew and are not sure if the trailer will make it back to Mississippi much less North Carolina to deliver the load. I totally understand what he is saying with all that has happened over the last 2 months with the trucks and drivers. Giving up is not the answer. When the going gets tough the tough get going and that is what he is trying to do. With the guidance of the Lord, Will will remain tough in the face of adversity. Will's statement to me tonight was if the trailer makes it to Mississippi it will be by the grace of God and an answer to prayer. My God is still in the business of answering prayers, that I do know. Praise God for His favor upon His children of which I am one. Blessings are bountiful in my life every day. Why is it that cannot see many of these blessings every day as they occur. Oh God, give me eyes to see.

Praise the Lord Annacarmie has a job

Annacarmie found out today she has a job. It has been a long time in coming and a lot of applications and interviews but she now will be working at Children's Place. That could be a dangerous thing for her because she will see so many things that would be cute on Makenna. Do not buy that child one thing! She has so many clothes right now there is no way she can wear them all before she outgrows them.
Annacarmie will also be taking classes in the fall to get her certification as a pharmacy technician. That way she will be able to get a job that pays decent while she finishes her degree in social work. I think she has finally decided she must finish her education if she is going to provide for herself and Makenna. She realized she cannot do that on any job she could get without an education. How long has Mamma been saying that? Oh, I forgot Mamma does not know anything until her children reach the age of about 30.
Mamma Kim is busy getting Will's mess of a filing system straightened out. Who taught this boy how to file? Organization is certainly not one of his gifts. His filing system consists of a brief case with every paper and receipt stuffed in it. Tomorrow he is having a DOT audit and they require all papers to be in order. It may be an all nighter tonight to get things in order. He was suppose to be here first thing this morning to begin working on this. Well it is 3:25pm and Will has still not made the scene. Mamma Kim may have to do so magic to get everything ready by 10:00 Friday morning but first I have to contain Will. The verdict is still out we shall see how this ends. Will, after this are you sure you want ot be in the trucking business?

Mamma Kim

Mammas ideas are not always liked

I thought I had come up with something that Will would really like for his birthday but Annacarmie told me I better ask first because she did not think he would like an ipod. So I did what any mother would do I asked. Will's response to me was, "I have 2 or 3 that I have found in cars and I do not want that for my birthday." I guess AC knew what she was talking about so I am back to trying to come up with another gift for the hardest person in the world to buy for.

After 25 years of taking pictures I finally got a picture in which Will was smiling.

Thanks for the smile son, I love you.

Mamma Kim

Fresh as a flower after a night's sleep

Amazing what a night's sleep will do for the body and soul when it is uninterrupted sleep. Praise the Lord Makenna slept all night last night and so did I. I can really tell the difference in her today also. She is not near as fussy and clingy. I sure hope and pray we can quickly get her to the point that she sleeps through the night every night.
Makenna and I have had a busy morning with an early morning run to the grocery store to buy what we needed to cook dinner tonight. We are celebrating Will's birthday tonight and he was very specific about what he wanted to eat: cheese nip chicken, peas, corn, mac and cheese, rolls and some kind of good dessert. For Will that means chocolate. Makenna was so good this morning that we had all the preparations of food done before 11:30. What an accomplishment. Then she went down for a nap and I was able to mop the floors.
Everyone should be here about 6 to eat what Will wanted whether anyone else likes it or not. That is all you get to eat here tonight.

Mamma Kim

He is 25

Happy Birthday Baby Boy! Where have all the years gone? I seems like you should still be my little boy and you are all grown up. I am so proud of the young man you have become. There were years that I was not sure you would even live to see 25 but we all hung tough and the day has arrived.
It makes this mother very happy to see you succeeding in business as well as other areas of your life. I know it has not always been easy but you learned many years ago to be tough and tenacious. Those traits you learned well. Many days as you were just getting started in the car business you wanted to give up but I told you to hang in there. You did and 3 years later you have proven yourself to so many who thought you were just a little kid.
Pappa never thought you were listening when he tried to tell you something but in the last year so many times I have thought or said to you, 'that sounds just like Pappa." I guess you were listening. You learned your lessons well from him. The way you deal with people and the way you will trade on anything so much reminds me of Pappa. You are just a junk man but how could you be anything else because you lived with and learned from the best. You make Pappa proud each day as you strive to make a living doing something you love doing. He loved it too. I know that for a fact. I only wish he could have lived longer to see you in action as you work. He would have said that's my boy and I am proud of him.
This year you have added another business, car haulers so you can expand your horizon. It started out you were going to haul your cars but then you were bitten by the bug. As so now you have 2 car haulers and 3 drivers. I can see the writing on the wall. There is another car hauler to purchase in the near future, I am sure.
To be where you are in the business world at 25 is an accomplishment but to do it on your own with very little help from anyone else is something to be proud of. Tjose first days and years were hard but you are a survivor and you survived. It sure makes your mother proud to see her little boy succeeding as you are. Continue to work hard, be fair to those you do business with, treat others as your would like to be treated, and never forget all that you have and all that you are is from the Lord. Praise Him each day for His blessings.
It is my prayer you have a happy birthday today and many more to come.
With all my love,
Mamma Kim

If one is good, two is better

Will cannot do anything is simple ordinary terms which reminds me so much of Pappa. The more endeavors he had his hands in the better he liked it. Evidently that was a lesson he taught Will and Will learned it well. Several weeks ago Will bought a Freight liner and a trailer to haul 9 cars. It has not run int the past few weeks as much as he would like; therefore, this week he bought him a box trailer so he can haul freight also. I wonder if this craziness will every stop.



The time is coming quickly when I absolutely refuse to do any more work for him. Titles, Insurance, and all retails sales is enough for me, after all I do have jobs of my own that I must perform. He seems to forget that when he needs something done. He has been wearing me and the fax machine out lately. I think he needs a wife who could be his secretary. No wait, that probably would not work because he is really hard to work for. He wants things done one way, his way and that is not usually the way things really need to be done. I do not back down and he will not often cross me because he knows it is not going to do any good. I am the final authority if he wants me to do the work. Can you see that control part of me coming out, as the kids say I am a "control freak."



Tonight has been a restful night for me which I desperately needed after a very stressful week in which I did not accomplish nearly what I needed to do and even stayed up later several nights to finish some things.



I have been really bothered this week by something I see in some people. Does loyalty and your word not mean anything in this day and time? I believe your word is your bond. If I say something you can believe even if I said it in haste I am going to abide by what I said. Why do some people have trouble standing by what they say or even being truthful in ever word that proceeds from their mouths. Things like that not only anger me but they frustrate and hurt me as well. Just do what you say you are going to do! Are we, as parents in the society in which we live, failing miserably at teaching basic character traits like truth, honesty, respect for elders, and loyalty to our children. It saddens me greatly to see this happening and I have made a resovle to do what I can to instill these traits in children that cross my path. Eventhough choosing the right way may not be the popular choice most times God calls us to the path less traveled, which I believe is the path I am referring to here. Although we may never see the rewards this side of heaven, a loving Heavenly Father sees and knows all our traits and if those traits are undesirable He is waiting for anyone who is willing to seek Him and He will change you little by little as the process of transformation takes place, little by little each day.



Kim

Why oh Why?

Why do I have to do things I do not want to do? For 20 years I lived and breathed the car business because that is what my husband did. When he retired and sold the business I thought I was through forever. Well it did not happen. Not only is Will in the car business he has just purchased him a car hauler that will haul 9 cars. Now not only does he buy and sell cars he also hauls them for other people. On thing I told Will was he had to find someone else to do his fuel tax reports. Do you think that will ever happen? That remains to be seen. Sometimes when he is talking to me I have to do a double take to be sure who is talking. He sounds so much like Pappa in the things he says and the way he wants to run his business. Will learned much more than I could have ever imagined over the years from Pappa.

There have been many times in the last 2 1/2 years that Will has asked me why we could not have had more time with Pappa. I cannot answer that question other than being comforted in the fact that Jesus wanted him in heaven and his purpose here on this earth was finished.
Many times since then I have asked what my purpose in life is. Up until that time I knew what my purpose was but losing a spouse has a way of pulling the rug out and changing a life forever. For a while I did not really know but now I know for sure one purpose in my life is to love our sweet baby girl, Makenna Kate. Is that what I am suppose to do for a while? If it is I am more than happy to take care of her, rocking, feeding, bathing, and singing to her. I do not want to hear anyone laugh about my singing to her. She loves me and does not care if I can sing or not.
It is wonderful to be loved with such unconditional love. She is so used to me when I leave the room she cannot rest and is looking around for me until I return. That's my girl.

Discerning the voice of God is changing the way I view life and God's call on my life. I want more than anything else to not waste my time here but to be about my Father's business. In order to do that I must seek Him with all my heart. Lord let me hear your voice clearly and know exactly what you have called me to do is my prayer each day.


Kim

Life takes over

Will life ever slow down or get back to at least some sense of normal? It seems as if there are not enough hours in a day to do all I need to do and I am getting less and less sleep because of it. Taxes are a curse. I have been working for the last three weeks trying to get everything together to file all the things the IRS has to have. Even though I am OCD, it still takes me weeks to put everything together. This is an unnecessary evil that could be avoided.
It does not help anything that I have taken on a new job--a volunteer job at that-- I really do not like jobs that do not pay but that is what comes with working for your children. Please understand I did n ot ask for nor did I want this job; however, Will does not trust anyone other than me to do things the way they need to be done so add into the mix all the things I have to do for myself I am now in the car business again and seem to be at Will's call whenever he needs something. I am trying hard to find him help other than myself, you know maybe like Annacarmie. Not sure if that combination would work or not but I am to the point I am willing to try anything. I do not like doing titles.
Makenna has had an ear infection that has kept us in the house for a week. I feel we have been very blessed that she is five months old and this is the first time she has been sick at all other than a runny nose. I feel sure that is a result of allergies. All the rest of us have allergies so how could she not have them also. She is growing and learning new things every day. At four months she began rolling over on her own. Now at five months she is trying her best to crawl. She gets on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth all the time. It will not be long before she will be mobile. I am not sure how I will contain her then. She has not teeth right now but it probably will not be long. She is chewing on everything in sight and drooling all the time. Blowing raspberries is a new thing she has learned. It is so sweet to see her laying there blowing bubbles and whatever she sees.

I know now how many things I missed as my own children were growing up. I was busy working and trying to take care of them, a house, and all the others demands of a young wife and mother. I have been reminded of that with Makenna. Those other things do not seem to hold near as much importance now as they did when I was younger. I make sure to take time to play with Makenna and let other things go. As you know that is very hard for an OCD person to do, but I can do it if it means spending time with sweet baby girl, Makenna Kate.

I do not know what has happened over the last few weeks but Makenna has decided she wants to wake up two or three times during the night for a bottle. It is killing me to have to get up that much. Any one got any suggestions as to what I might do to get her to sleep through the night?
I make it ok losing sleep for a little while but when it goes on repeatedly I begin to get very irritable. That is where I am right now. Please be praying for me to not take my irritability out on those around me.

I have begun a new Bible study, Discerning the voice of God by Priscilla Shirer, that is just what I needed; however, it has not been an easy study. If you ever get a chance to hear Priscilla speak in person do not miss the opportunity. God has been calling me out of y comfort zone and to a life of greater obedience to Him as a result of this study. Yes I want to live a life of greater obedience but it is so hard to do and sometimes I just want to give up. That is not an option as I was reminded as I studied. God has a plan for each of our lives and that plan is to prosper us and to give us hope and a future (Jer 29:11) and His plan will be complete in His time not mine. That is the hardest part for me to wait on His time. Several times over the last few months I have wanted to help His plan along in my time. Each time he has stopped me in my tracks and reminded me He is in control. Thank goodness He is in control because I know I would surely make a big mess.

Do the trials ever become less severe? I guess not for me because I am sure it is those trials and the difficulties that come along with them that keep me on my knees seeking my Lord.

Stephanie and the girls are on the way to Tuscaloosa tonight in order for Taylor to compete in gymnastics. I would have loved to go but I had already committed to fill in as a teacher in a Sunday school class. Taylor loves gymnastics so much, it is her life. Tay, I pray you have a good meet. Do your best and have a good time doing it. Love, Mamma Kim


I know this has been a long post but I will try to do a better job of updating this crazy life I live.