Why oh Why?

Why do I have to do things I do not want to do? For 20 years I lived and breathed the car business because that is what my husband did. When he retired and sold the business I thought I was through forever. Well it did not happen. Not only is Will in the car business he has just purchased him a car hauler that will haul 9 cars. Now not only does he buy and sell cars he also hauls them for other people. On thing I told Will was he had to find someone else to do his fuel tax reports. Do you think that will ever happen? That remains to be seen. Sometimes when he is talking to me I have to do a double take to be sure who is talking. He sounds so much like Pappa in the things he says and the way he wants to run his business. Will learned much more than I could have ever imagined over the years from Pappa.

There have been many times in the last 2 1/2 years that Will has asked me why we could not have had more time with Pappa. I cannot answer that question other than being comforted in the fact that Jesus wanted him in heaven and his purpose here on this earth was finished.
Many times since then I have asked what my purpose in life is. Up until that time I knew what my purpose was but losing a spouse has a way of pulling the rug out and changing a life forever. For a while I did not really know but now I know for sure one purpose in my life is to love our sweet baby girl, Makenna Kate. Is that what I am suppose to do for a while? If it is I am more than happy to take care of her, rocking, feeding, bathing, and singing to her. I do not want to hear anyone laugh about my singing to her. She loves me and does not care if I can sing or not.
It is wonderful to be loved with such unconditional love. She is so used to me when I leave the room she cannot rest and is looking around for me until I return. That's my girl.

Discerning the voice of God is changing the way I view life and God's call on my life. I want more than anything else to not waste my time here but to be about my Father's business. In order to do that I must seek Him with all my heart. Lord let me hear your voice clearly and know exactly what you have called me to do is my prayer each day.


Kim