All kinds of emotions

This Father's Day has been a time of mixed emotions for me.  I am beyond blessed to still have my sweet Daddy with me.  For that I am so very thankful.  The last 9 months have brought to my mind the reality that life can be taken at any moment in time.  Thank you Lord for the gift you have given me of a loving Daddy who, first and foremost loves you with all his heart and secondly loves his family unconditionally.  I pray the things I learned from him I can pass on to my children.  Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love  you.

At the same time I am so thankful I still have my Daddy here with me, I am reminded of the agony that comes from losing a parent.  Nowhere is that more evident than in the life of my children.  As each day passes losing a pappa should get easier but I am not sure it never does.  All of my children have  said numerous times, "I wish I could just talk to him one more time, ask him one more question, but that was not to be." I have done the same thing. So many times, I have turned to ask him a question or tell him something and he is not there.  I am so thankful for the time we had together and the many memories we made as family.  We all still laugh at some of the crazy things  he would get all of us into.  Today as Annacarmie and I were eating lunch something came up in conversation and she looked at me and I looked at her and tears just started streaming down both of our faces.  Not only did I lose the love of my life but my children lost their daddy, aka "Pappa."  Anticipating this Father's Day seems to have been especially hard for me.  I have thought alot about John and the legacy he left for his family to follow.  I do not know why he was taken so young but I do know God always has a plan in all that happens.  I am just not understanding His plan right now. I wanted John and I to enjoy life together for many more years than we were afforded.  Life is tough any time, but over the last six years I have learned how tough it can be without the love of my life to share it with.  However, I would rather have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Little did we know that this would be the last Father's Day we would get to spend with Pappa.  We love you and miss you greatly.  Your absenece has left a great void in all of our lives.

I hurt for the grandchildren who never got to meet their Pappa.  He would have loved them and they would have loved them.  Oh he loved those babies but at that time he had only grand daughters.  He so wanted a grandson also.  He never got to meet Mason, Drew, Miles or Brent.

There are so many things that we will never again get to experience with him.  Never take one minute for granted because you never know when that might be your last minute.

I hurt for my Precious Baby because growing up without a Daddy present is never easy.  Why her Daddy's life was taken so quickly the past year in a horrible accident I cannot explain to her.  I can tell her, her Daddy loved her and one day when her life here on this earth is over she will see him again in Heaven.  To a three year old, these  things are so difficult to explain when other children have their Daddies still.  However, the foundation of Jesus was being built from the day she came into this world and she knows her Daddy is in Heaven, which is a wonderful place.  Now she wants to know when her Daddy will come back here to see her.  No child should have to experience the difficulties of life as this.  Once again God has a plan and this did not take Him by surprise.  I know this will go into making my Precious Baby the person she will become, a mighty warrior for our Lord. 

Today as her Nanna and Pappaw took her to her Daddy's grave site, Makenna hugged the tombstone and said I love you Daddy.  Precious Baby, all I can tell you is life is difficult at best.  There will be many trials along the way but remain firm in your faith and never take your eyes off of God. He will comfort you in those difficult days and direct your path.

Mother's Day- A day I did not know if I would be blessed in celebrating again

 Mimi, this picture brings so much joy and happiness to me because God has given the another Mother's Day with you.  I pray your day has been filled with the love of your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. You are truly loved.

As Mamma Kim wrapped Mimi's gifts this morning, Makenna said she needed something to chew on so she got Mimi's card and started chewing on it.  Before anyone could get it away from her she had taken a bite out of the card.  We still do not know why she needed something to chew on. 

Mimi promised Makenna she could open the presents.  Even though they were not taped super well, Makenna decide she need the thing to open the gifts.  No one but Mamma Kim knew what the "thing" was, the letter opener.  I cannot say I have ever seen anyone open a gift with a letter opener until now.  Baby girl, you  definitely have a creative spirit in you.  I pray you never lose that.

 On September 14, 2011, I did not know if Mimi would live through the day much less to see her next Mother's Day.  God chose to allow us to have her for a while longer.  Thank you Lord for that blessing.  May I never take your blessings for granted.  No Mimi is not where she was  before the aneurysm and two brain surgeries but it is ok because we still have her with us in whatever level of recovery she attains. Yes, there are difficult and trying days  when she cannot remember anything or during the times it takes her hours to do a task, however, I am diligently trying to see the blessings in all of this.  After all, nothing takes my Lord by surprise.  There are many lessons to be learned in the valleys of life.  This past year has certainly been one of many valleys and trials but my God has seen me through each one.

 Four Generations

We had been planning this mini vacation for months. We were so glad to get away for some much needed rest. At the time, I really did not know how much I was going to need the rest. Two days after we returned from the beach, I got a phone call saying Mimi had passed out in the floor at the Honda shop and they were calling the ambulance. That phone call ended in an ambulance ride with Mother to Memphis and two brain surgeries over the next seven weeks. I did not leave the hospital during that entire time. My precious daughter, made my stay possible by keeping everything together at home and running all the businesses. I cannot explain how blessed I am to have a daughter who is willing and able to step up to the plate and take on much more than any one person should have to take on while raising a three year old. I must say she did the job in an exemplary manner. Baby, I am so thankful for you in more ways than I can even begin to list. God truly blessed me when He chose you as my daughter and I thank Him daily for giving you to me.

Sun. Sand, Shopping and Food

 My turn to steer the boat.

This proved to be the best mini vacation in such a very long time.  Shopping is always on the agenda.  Makenna chose playing on the playground to shopping.  I think we will have to work on that with her.  Every little girl needs to know how to shop.

Humpback whales

While we were at the beach we decided to take Makenna on an evening cruise hoping to see some dolphins. We had a wonderful captain who let Makenna steer the boat. She thought she was hot when he let her take the wheel. As the Makenna said she wanted to see humpback whales not dolphins. Hum, can we say this baby has been watching a few too many Diego adventures? The Captain never could convenience Makenna the dolphins were not humpback whales and she wanted to ride them just like Diego.

A day at the beach

Makenna's first visit to the beach.  You would think she was a little excited by the look on her face.

She played while we were there so hard she had no trouble sleeping at night.

Pictures at the beach had been on my mind for months to use on our Christmas card. I even already had it composed in my head, now to get the pictures to match what is in my head. I think we finally did it, yeah!

Thia trip to the beach was worth more than any amount of money to me to get to watch my precious baby playing and enjoying herself. The days went by much too quickly then it was time for us to come home. When can we go again was precious baby's question and it is mine also.

A day I never expected

This morning started as any other morning starts with Annacarmie leaving for work and Makenna and I getting ready for school.  She was so excited, this was the last day of school and she was taking "tuptakes" more commonly known as cupcakes for her class.  Plans suddenly changed when Annacarmie received a call at work that Stephen had been in a horrible car wreck and she needed to come to the hospital.  She called me back to tell me it did not look good at all;  however, I could not go to the hospital to be with her until I dropped Makenna off at school.  Thankfully Stephanie was able to go to the hospital to stay until I could get there. 
After several phone calls, one being to my friend at FBC dayschool, I was able to drop Makenna off early.  Before I could get to the hospital Annacarmie called to tell me that Stephen did not make it, his injuries were too severe.  This news was devastating especially when someone is so young, at 26 you do not expect something like this to happen.
Annacarmie was in a state of shock and the next few days were a blurr for her.  Several times she said Mamma I do not know what to tell Makenna.  The foundation had already been laid as far as that was concerned.  Makenna knows her Pappa is in heaven, she knows who Jesus is, and she knows heaven is a good place.  Those things she is very certain of and I told her that her daddy was in a bad wreck and he was now in heaven with Jesus.  In her little 2 year old mind that was all she needed.  Many times over the next few weeks we had to remind her when she ask that her daddy was in heaven with Jesus and someday a long long time from now she would see him again.

It is pure agony to watch your child hurt so badly and know physically there is nothing you can do to relieve that pain.  I just wanted to take the pain away for Annacarmie but I could not.  I pray God uses this pain to grow her into a even more usable vessel for Him.
Annacarmie said to me over and over again I just do not understand why Makenna will not have a daddy growing up.  She said I know how that feels but at least I got to have my daddy, the man she loved with every part of her being, until 20. God knew exactly the daddy Annacarmie needed at that time in her life just as He knows the daddy Makenna will need at just the right time in her life. Annacarmie felt like Makenna will have missed so much by not knowing her daddy although that statement from Annacarmie reminded me of the scripture where God promises to be a father to the fatherless.  I am claiming that promise right now for this child. 

Lord I pray you be that Father to her and remove, shatter, scatter and destroy any strong holds that might develop as a result of that situation.  Oh God, I know nothing takes you by surprise and your plans to are prosper her and give her hope and a future.  Thank  you for the promises of Your Word and the comfort they bring to a very weary soul that has been through the fire many times in the last 5 years.  I know my God is still on the throne and I praise His holy name.
 

Losing is never easy

This morning began as any morning does.  Annacarmie went to work and Makenna and I were busy getting ready for her last day of school when my phone rang.  It was a call no one is every ready to hear.  Someone had called Annacarmie at work and told her Stephen had been in a car wreck and was  beign air lifted to the hospital.  She left work and went to the hospital to see what the situation really was.  We talked on the phone several times before she told me how serious it really was.  Because I still had Makenna and I felt it necessary to keep her life as normal as possible in this situation,  Stephanie went to the hospital to stay with Annacarmie until I could get there.  Before I dropped Makenna off at school, Annacarmie called to tell me Stephen was gone. 
In shock from all that had happened, I went to hospital to comfort my child and begin the process over the next few days of grieving over the loss of a son-in-law and Makenna's daddy.
Why things like this happen we may never know this side of heaven; however, I do serve a great and mighty God who is in control of ALL things.  This did not take God by suprise and His grace is sufficient in all things.  That does not mean it will be easy for any inolved, but God is not interested in our comfort He is more concerned with making us more in His image. 
My choice would not have been for Makenna to grow up with out a daddy.  The choice was not mine to make and I am clinging to His promises found in the Word. 
     "All things work together to the good for those who are called according to  His purpose."
What good is going to come from this I may never know but God knows.  Once again I am reminded, even this high control OCD person is not in control God is. Praise God He is in control not me.

Back again

Here we go again!  One would think having wisdom teeth taken out would be a pretty simple procedure that should take only a few days to recover from.  Things like that do not happen around here.  I am sitting at the doctor with Annacarmie waiting to see the doctor.  This is the third time we have been back to the doctor since she had surgery.  She developed an infection and that is very dangerous for her because she is allergic to so many different classes of antibiotics.  Today they told Annacarmie to bring someone with her because they may have to open the site back again. 

    Thankfully the doctor did not feel it necessary to open the site up again.  Even though it has been a very difficult recovery he thinks we are on the down hill side as far as healing is concerned.  Hopefully that is what is actually occurring.  I guess we will know in a few days.